Destination: Arkansas

Arkansas.png

Hello, readers!

It’s Wednesday yet again. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Just like a Tootsie Pop, you gotta lick it to find out!

As the title says we’ve made it to Arkansas, the Natural State, where the only active Diamond mind in the United States is located. It’s also home to Big Foot’s cousin the Beast of Boggy Creek. *Cue suspense music*

While searching for stuff about Arkansas, I found out that there’s a movie about the Fouke Monster called The Legend of Boggy Creek. It was filmed in the 70’s and it’s made up of interviews with witnesses and reenactments. So, obviously, I had to see it.

Let me tell you, it was great. I laughed. I didn’t cry, but I was almost scared at one point. Which is worth mentioning because the movie is billed in some places as a horror film. It’s right there in the YouTube title. You guys, I don’t think I can fully express my feelings for this movie.

Fouke is a right pleasant place to live….until the sun goes down

This movie has Frankenstein written all over it. People running all over the place terrified, meanwhile this guy doesn’t know how hideous he is and just wants to make friends. The creature almost sounds endearing, washing it’s feet in the creek, casually staring at people from a safe distance. It gets progressively more violent as the movie progresses. I’d assume because he’s getting fucking tired of everyone screaming and running away every time they see him.

At one point they go on a big hunt for the creature. With the best hunting dogs in Arkansas and Texas. THEY EVEN BROUGHT IN DOGS FROM TENNESSEE! Except they all ended up embarrassed as hell because none of the dogs dared to follow the creature’s scent. That’s gotta be difficult, when not even dogs will go near you. They say that the creature disappeared for 8 years after being hunted. And, you know, I don’t blame him. After all that you need a breather.

And really, people are really losing their shit in this movie.

There’s a guy sitting on the toilet which is oddly located next to a large window. And al I can think is “well, at least it won’t be his pants he shits when the monster inevitably comes up to the window.” Of course, the monster walks right and the guy literally trips over his pants trying to get away from the window. It’s pure gold. PURE. GOLD.

Then, the menfolk go outside to chase the creature, shoot it, beat their chests. The usual. In the middle of this, the monster attacks a guy and the idiot runs towards the house and crashes through the door. Yeah, that’ll help keep you safe, breaking the entire door.

Finally, after spending the entire movie talking about how terrifying this creature is and the horrible sound it makes, this guy who’s narrating says he almost wishes he could hear it again. Apparently as a sign that there is still some wilderness left and that there is still the possibility of strange noises in the night. Um, what? You’ve been shitting all over this creature and now that it got fed up with all of you and left, you miss it? There’s just no pleasing some people, is there?

I’m not gonna lie, it was a terrible movie. But I almost want to watch it again. Just keep it on hand and watch it every once in a while. Just so I can see that guy nearly pass out when the monster walks up to the window. In case you’re like me and bad movies delight you in a perverse sort of way, here’s the movie.

Enjoy, readers. Until next time!

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