These past few weeks have been full of ups and downs for me. Mostly downs, if I’m honest. I’ve gotten bad news and worse news. Relationships have changed, then changed again. I’ve had conversations that have sparked moments of panic and crisis. All in all, the last two weeks have been kind of intense for me.
Probably the worst part about the whole thing is that I took them for granted. As things that would obviously be there, people who would probably never change. But, of course, that’s not the way things work. People do change and the things you expected to be there are suddenly nowhere to be found. And as you’re falling, suddenly realizing your entire plans have to change, you start scrambling to find stuff to cushion you when you land.
Except, very few things can cushion heartbreak. Unexpected, incredibly painful, a broken heart is all about muddling through and trying to reach the end intact. It about salvaging the pieces and figuring out how to make them fit once you’re ready. Maybe it’s about relearning new patterns for love, channeling them into bigger and better things. Heartbreak is definitely a hard one to stick the landing with, mostly you land in a messy heap. Ice cream and mascara all over the place.
Fortunately, other things, difficult as they are, are much easier to deal with. They’re still messy and insanely frustrating, but they’re manageable. It doesn’t matter how big, how sudden, how completely bereft of options you feel, there’s always a way. Finding a solution and putting it in place, can be immensely satisfying. Especially when a few days ago you were scrabbling around for a way to keep the walls from crashing down.
I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten it all figured out. Sometimes I’m still angry and sad and hurt. Sometimes, my mind wanders into those places where hope lives only to come back and face the disappointment of reality. I’m dealing with it though, day by day. Sometimes, it’s the only thing you can do.
Until next time, readers.