Open Water

Hello, readers.

It’s Friday. In case you didn’t know. Silly, because people forget it’s Monday, but they never forget it’s Friday. So, scratch that.

I wasn’t sure what to watch tonight so I ended up picking a movie at random from the Gilmore Girl list. Open Water it is. Or was. Which brings me to, what the hell? I don’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.

Let’s start with the fact that there’s a weird thing happening with the sound at the beginning. Like, it has specific sounds, but it’s lacking all the static background noise we don’t notice which means there’s a sort of weird silence happening. It’s insanely disturbing. Maybe it’s just me, but man what a weird feeling. My next whoa moment came when the protagonists were suddenly completely naked. I don’t have issue with the nudity because whatever, it’s more that out of nowhere there are tits and pubes in your face. Yeah, okay.

As they were floating around I kept thinking about this company and how they were going to get sued. They’d lose everything, their reputation would be shattered. I imagined all the charges they’d be faced with because hello, you left two people out in the middle of the ocean. Who does that?! Apparently, it happens though because this movie was loosely based on a true story. In 1998 a couple went diving in Australia and the boat departed before they were able to get back on board. It wasn’t until two days later that people noticed they were missing, but by then it was too late and they were never found.

I kept expecting them both to survive and go on to sue the pants off everyone. Instead they both died. It’s a gruesome movie in the weirdest way. Watching a wife floating around with her husband’s corpse, kissing it before letting it drift off. Seeing his body get pulled down by sharks. Looking on as she gets rid of her gear and goes under. She watched her husband die and then killed herself, right as the search party goes out. That’s some messed up shit right there.

The acting is pretty bad and there are shots that really should’ve been reconsidered, but the movie packs a punch. And the last 10-15 minutes were intense. I’d planned on watching the sequel, but I think I might skip it. One couple floating around in the vast nothingness of the ocean is really all you need.

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Try not to drown, readers. Until next time!

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The Faculty

Hello, readers.

The days are still gray here in the tropics. That coupled with not feeling too well has led to a day of movies and nothing but movies. Surprisingly (or not at all), none of them have been on the list of movies from the Gilmore Girls list. Still, I thought I’d share my favorite of the day.

There’s nothing quite like having the whole school overtaken by alien parasites to put things in perspective. I’d never watched The Faculty before, but it seemed like one of those weird, bad movies that you shouldn’t pass up. And I’m definitely glad I didn’t. What’s not to love about an unassuming southern belle/alien queen possessing people so she can fit in. High school, amirite? Only in a terrible alien movie starring high school kids would you have people doing drugs as a parasite detection system. Gotta love it.

The Faculty is like The Breakfast Club, if they hadn’t been in detention and had instead been trying to keep the world from being overtaken by water loving aliens. So, you know, nothing alike, except maybe a little bit. They’ve got all the archetypes down – the jock, the snobby girl, the geek, the screw up, the crazy one –  plus the new girl who turned out to be the mastermind behind the whole attack so The Breakfast Club was probably better off without her. Fuckin’ new kids man, they’re either shitty or aliens.giphy1

Let me tell you. There are tentacles, things that burrow under your skin, disintegrating bodies – basically it’s all SciFi goodness. Plus you’ve got a young and geeky Elijah Wood saving the town, Josh Hartnett as a drug dealing bad boy, and Penelope Cruz as a hot nurse just for kicks. The Faculty has got it all and more. Okay, so maybe it doesn’t have it all. In fact, it’s terrible. But in the best way possible! Probably my favorite type of movie to watch.

Do yourself a favor, get yourself some popcorn, and couch potato to it. You might regret it, you might not. I don’t know your life.

Try not to get possessed by aliens, readers. Until next time.

The Little Rascals

Happy Friday, readers!

In an effort to shake off my terrible mood, I’ve spent the day tidying, crocheting, and generally doing things that make me feel better about the world. My room is now tidier, which is not to say tidy, but you’ve got to start somewhere! I’ve also managed to get quite a bit ahead in my attempts to make a blanket. It’s almost done, I think, and I’m really excited to finish it and be able to use it.

I decided to watch The Little Rascals tonight and OH MY GOD. I’d forgotten how great this movie is! I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record with these movies, but bear with me. I hadn’t seen The Little Rascals in years, so I’d honestly forgotten most of what happens. Except that scene with the duet between Darla and Waldo, which pops into my head quite often for some reason.

Can we stop for a second and talk about all the people that make an appearance in this movie? The Olsen twins are there having a slumber party with Darla and complaining about boys. Whoopi Goldberg is Buckwheat’s mom.  Reba is the famous race car driver who gives them the trophy and prize money after they win the race. Raven Symone pops up in the end when girls are finally allowed in the clubhouse. A young and less orange Donald Trump makes an appearance in the end credits, stealing popcorn from the lady next to him. I didn’t know who most of these people were when I was a kid, so it’s cool to watch it now and be able to recognize them.

It really is such a fun movie. It’s kids doing what kids do best, which is usually thinking that they’re more mature than they are. That exchange when Waldo and Darla first meet is priceless.

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Plus I love Spanky’s little monologue at the end, wondering if they’d let down the founding fathers by fraternizing with girls. Then concluding, “I guess things just have to change sometimes.” And they do, you know? Sometimes things have to change, but that doesn’t have to be bad necessarily. I think they found that out, which is cool. I’m still finding it out, but that’s ok. You have to let other people into the club at some point.

Have a good one, readers. Until next time!

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

Hello friends!

Friday Night Movie has become a Saturday morning post. Last night’s movie watching ran late because I got distracted by everything else on Netflix, so it became a bit of a binge that included Man Up, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, and some Z Nation to cap things off. I love binge watching stuff, but doing it with movies is a different experience altogether than doing it with shows. When you’re watching a series you’re basically married to those characters for the duration (unless you’re watching Game of Thrones), you’re completely immersed in that particular universe. But with movies, every hour and a half or so, you get new people, new settings, perhaps an entirely new feel if you’ve switched genres. It’s like having multiple lives flash before your eyes, instead of just one.

All of this to say I watched a whole bunch of movies, in addition to my Gilmore movie of the week.

Charlie’s Angels, man. I love the scenes where you can clearly tell they’re hanging from wires. Just casually spinning over the air to land in a heap. Or perfectly poised, as they often do. Which makes sense because I love bad effects, and while the effects in the movie aren’t bad, being able to tell they’re hanging from wires is like getting a good look at the movie stitching.

I’d completely forgotten Shia Labeouf was in this movie. Unfortunately, I can’t watch anything he’s in now without instantly getting the Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf song stuck in my head. It’s a spiffy song by Rob Cantor. If you’ve never heard the song, here’s the video for it because it’s just excellent in my opinion.

OKAY. True story. I was getting the link for the video. The one I’d seen was an animated video, but I found a live version and it is everything good in life. Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf has managed to surprise me once again. Four for you Rob Cantor!

Man, this post has gone everywhere. I apologize for being incoherent. I’d promise to never do it again, but who are we kidding? I’d never lie to you friends.

All I’m saying is that I watched Charlie’s Angels and crossed it off my Gilmore Girls Friday Night Movie list. Shia Labeouf was in it. Plus that Irish guy who was evil, but also insanely hot so things even out. Maybe. And the Thin Man dies, which always makes me really sad because I ship him and Dylan.

That’s it. Until next time, readers.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

It’s Friday night, readers!

I’ve been re-watching the Gilmore Girls series for the past few weeks and thoroughly enjoying myself, to be perfectly honest. It’s funny. It’s witty. It’s sarcastic and fast paced. I definitely recommend you check it out, if you haven’t! Anyway, I’ve always loved their Friday Night Movies. The idea of binging on candy and snacks while watching a few movies feels incredibly satisfying. So, I’ve decided to start my own Friday night movies. At least the movie side of things, if I try to match the Lorelais bite for bite I’ll die and also go broke.

The wife and I kicked off the Friday Night Movie series with a classic! Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

“What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun house?!”

“Why? Having fun?”

I was obsessed with this movie when I was a kid, I used to watch it unnecessarily often. It’s been a few years since I’d re-watched it though and let me tell you there was so much I’d forgotten about it. Like, hey, how ‘bout that chicken decapitation, huh? Wasn’t that something? I’d forgotten how depressing Charlie’s life was and his whole special snowflake attitude towards life. I’d forgotten how creepy this movie was! Wonka’s madness is pretty epic, but the whole movie is riddled with strangeness. In the beginning there’s a guy who comes up to Charlie, toting a cart with knives casually dangling from it. This guy tells Charlie no one goes into the Factory, and no one comes out. Cheerful, right?

There was a sassy computer. Oompa Loompas singing judgmental songs. People panicking in a small room because they didn’t fit, although they would’ve if they’d just chilled out. It was the door from Titanic all over again. An old man dancing with a nightgown that left perilously little to the imagination.

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*Sigh* Good times were had by all tonight. Hope your nights were just as good.

Until next time, readers!

Alphabet Soup: Y is for Yeah…

This segment titled Alphabet Soup: The alphabet according to someone with very little shame and a lot of time on her hands was inspired by blogger Mandy Wallace and the Writers of Kern A to Z challenge. Enjoy!

Happy Friday, readers!

I know I’ve been a bit AWOL recently, I’m trying to get better! The road to recovery is long and arduous, but I’ll do it for you guys. Because I love you.

Y is for Yeah

This week I ended up at an impromptu hangout with the wife, a friend of ours, and a Frenchman who is here visiting. The wife and I were out book buying and figured we’d be sociable because, why not? When we get to the place, we find that the Frenchman is wasted, our friend is soberly feeling uncomfortable, AND they’ve got an almost catatonic Brit in tow. Having just written it down it sounds like the beginning of a terrible joke, which it was and wasn’t.

The atmosphere was relaxed as it can only be when you’re somewhere doing something you’ve done many times before, spending time with people who are already familiar to you. That is, until you came to the Brit, staring off into space. Saying absolutely nothing. At some point we all tried to make conversation with him, but it was too painful.

“So, how are you liking the island?”

“Yeah, fine.”

I nod, look around for inspiration.

“Is it your first time here?”

“Yeah…”

“And you’re here by yourself?”

“Yeah…”

“Wow, how was your flight?”

“Yeah…okay.”

I looked around. Eyes wide and pleading, hoping someone would rescue me. And rescue me they did, because thankfully my friends are only dicks sometimes. As the night wore on, he managed to scare off a girl my friend had gotten to talk to him. He told a lady she couldn’t bring her child into the bar. Which granted, you’re really not meant to have children in bars, but also you probably shouldn’t be telling people what to do when they’re hanging out with the bar’s owner. This was followed by him coming up to us and saying he couldn’t find his money and so we had to buy him more beer. Yeah….

By the time our friend and her Frenchman ditched us, leaving us stranded with a demanding and wildly plastered Brit, the wife and I were ready to call it quits. We were figuring out how to get out of the situation when he waved us over and introduced us to a couple he was talking to. It turns out, they were really, really cool people. Funny, smart, charming, we had a blast just chatting with them about everything and nothing. The Brit left at some point, leaving behind him a wake of “Who was that guy?” and “He was so odd”.

It was one of those chance encounters that leave you feeling energized and happy because you realize connecting with people doesn’t have to be that hard. All you need is a little luck, the willingness to try, and a wasted Brit to quicken the pace.

Alphabet Soup: X is for “X is where you sign your life away”

This segment titled Alphabet Soup: The alphabet according to someone with very little shame and a lot of time on her hands was inspired by blogger Mandy Wallace and the Writers of Kern A to Z challenge. Enjoy!

Happy Friday, readers!

Another week has come to an end, bringing with it a chance to relax and get some much needed me time. Which will hopefully come about in the form of good food, loads of uninterrupted Netflix time, and a few books. Although, I’ve a party on Sunday and will possibly go out tonight so maybe I’m just lying to myself….

X is for

You know, life is all about commitments. The promises we make and keep, the ones we break. Our willingness to follow through is, I think, a big part of what holds together the threads of society. We sign on the dotted line when we get married, when we get divorced. We constantly hit the accept button whenever we need a new update on something. We accept, acknowledge, and attach our name to things as a sign of our commitment to them and whatever they may hold.

We sign our lives away. And it’s interesting to me that we don’t notice or care. I certainly don’t. Most of the time people say sign here and I just go, “Eh, sure”. Because what else am I going to do? If you don’t sign, if you don’t commit, you can’t go forward. You can’t update your phone and you can’t get your package and you can’t open that bank account. We trust that what we’re signing won’t come back to bite us, but mostly we don’t even consider it as a possibility.

We accept as real commitments only the ones that have an impact on our reality. It’s expected that something like marriage will alter your life. But if it didn’t, if you signed a paper without any of the accompanying changes that marriage requires, we’d put signing a marriage license right there with clicking the accept button on the terms and conditions for a new app.

Except, they’re both binding, aren’t they? You’re as committed, legally, to this person as you are to software and the people behind it. 

I now declare you man and technology. You may now realize how screwed up we all are.

Until next time, readers!