Open Water

Hello, readers.

It’s Friday. In case you didn’t know. Silly, because people forget it’s Monday, but they never forget it’s Friday. So, scratch that.

I wasn’t sure what to watch tonight so I ended up picking a movie at random from the Gilmore Girl list. Open Water it is. Or was. Which brings me to, what the hell? I don’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.

Let’s start with the fact that there’s a weird thing happening with the sound at the beginning. Like, it has specific sounds, but it’s lacking all the static background noise we don’t notice which means there’s a sort of weird silence happening. It’s insanely disturbing. Maybe it’s just me, but man what a weird feeling. My next whoa moment came when the protagonists were suddenly completely naked. I don’t have issue with the nudity because whatever, it’s more that out of nowhere there are tits and pubes in your face. Yeah, okay.

As they were floating around I kept thinking about this company and how they were going to get sued. They’d lose everything, their reputation would be shattered. I imagined all the charges they’d be faced with because hello, you left two people out in the middle of the ocean. Who does that?! Apparently, it happens though because this movie was loosely based on a true story. In 1998 a couple went diving in Australia and the boat departed before they were able to get back on board. It wasn’t until two days later that people noticed they were missing, but by then it was too late and they were never found.

I kept expecting them both to survive and go on to sue the pants off everyone. Instead they both died. It’s a gruesome movie in the weirdest way. Watching a wife floating around with her husband’s corpse, kissing it before letting it drift off. Seeing his body get pulled down by sharks. Looking on as she gets rid of her gear and goes under. She watched her husband die and then killed herself, right as the search party goes out. That’s some messed up shit right there.

The acting is pretty bad and there are shots that really should’ve been reconsidered, but the movie packs a punch. And the last 10-15 minutes were intense. I’d planned on watching the sequel, but I think I might skip it. One couple floating around in the vast nothingness of the ocean is really all you need.

b5f0p

Try not to drown, readers. Until next time!

The Faculty

Hello, readers.

The days are still gray here in the tropics. That coupled with not feeling too well has led to a day of movies and nothing but movies. Surprisingly (or not at all), none of them have been on the list of movies from the Gilmore Girls list. Still, I thought I’d share my favorite of the day.

There’s nothing quite like having the whole school overtaken by alien parasites to put things in perspective. I’d never watched The Faculty before, but it seemed like one of those weird, bad movies that you shouldn’t pass up. And I’m definitely glad I didn’t. What’s not to love about an unassuming southern belle/alien queen possessing people so she can fit in. High school, amirite? Only in a terrible alien movie starring high school kids would you have people doing drugs as a parasite detection system. Gotta love it.

The Faculty is like The Breakfast Club, if they hadn’t been in detention and had instead been trying to keep the world from being overtaken by water loving aliens. So, you know, nothing alike, except maybe a little bit. They’ve got all the archetypes down – the jock, the snobby girl, the geek, the screw up, the crazy one –  plus the new girl who turned out to be the mastermind behind the whole attack so The Breakfast Club was probably better off without her. Fuckin’ new kids man, they’re either shitty or aliens.giphy1

Let me tell you. There are tentacles, things that burrow under your skin, disintegrating bodies – basically it’s all SciFi goodness. Plus you’ve got a young and geeky Elijah Wood saving the town, Josh Hartnett as a drug dealing bad boy, and Penelope Cruz as a hot nurse just for kicks. The Faculty has got it all and more. Okay, so maybe it doesn’t have it all. In fact, it’s terrible. But in the best way possible! Probably my favorite type of movie to watch.

Do yourself a favor, get yourself some popcorn, and couch potato to it. You might regret it, you might not. I don’t know your life.

Try not to get possessed by aliens, readers. Until next time.

Grease Live!

Hello, readers.

It’s late Friday night, that weird blurry time of alcohol and softcorn porn on HBO. I’m heartily hoping you guys are having a more memorable night than I am. If so come tell me about it. Let me live vicariously through you. And also drain all your life energy while I’m at it…..

I’ve just finished watching Grease Live! because that’s my life today, you know? The Gilmore Girls have Grease on their list, so I decided to watch the live version in its place. And, you know what? I didn’t hate it. The movie is nearly two hours long, which was a bit draining, but overall it’s not terrible.

giphy

The cast features Aaron Tveit as Zucko and Juliann Hough as Sandy. You’ve got people like Keke Palmer, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Vanessa Hudgens, who plays a really interesting Rizzo. Carlos Peña, formerly Carlos on Nickelodeon’s Big Time Rush, playing Kenickie. A wild Joe Jonas appears out of nowhere, as do Mario López and Jessie J. Perhaps the coolest appearances though were Didi Conn and Barry Pearl, who played Frenchy and Doody respectively in the original movie.

They added a couple of new musical numbers and changed a few things, but for the most part were very faithful to the movie which was cool to watch. A bit like a prolonged sing along where you don’t always sing. Overall though, it was alright. I’m always hesitant to watch live action movies because they have so much potential to be awful. This one, while it had things that bugged me, managed to pull itself off with a lot of style. So, that’s something.

Have a good night, readers. Until next time!

The Little Rascals

Happy Friday, readers!

In an effort to shake off my terrible mood, I’ve spent the day tidying, crocheting, and generally doing things that make me feel better about the world. My room is now tidier, which is not to say tidy, but you’ve got to start somewhere! I’ve also managed to get quite a bit ahead in my attempts to make a blanket. It’s almost done, I think, and I’m really excited to finish it and be able to use it.

I decided to watch The Little Rascals tonight and OH MY GOD. I’d forgotten how great this movie is! I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record with these movies, but bear with me. I hadn’t seen The Little Rascals in years, so I’d honestly forgotten most of what happens. Except that scene with the duet between Darla and Waldo, which pops into my head quite often for some reason.

Can we stop for a second and talk about all the people that make an appearance in this movie? The Olsen twins are there having a slumber party with Darla and complaining about boys. Whoopi Goldberg is Buckwheat’s mom.  Reba is the famous race car driver who gives them the trophy and prize money after they win the race. Raven Symone pops up in the end when girls are finally allowed in the clubhouse. A young and less orange Donald Trump makes an appearance in the end credits, stealing popcorn from the lady next to him. I didn’t know who most of these people were when I was a kid, so it’s cool to watch it now and be able to recognize them.

It really is such a fun movie. It’s kids doing what kids do best, which is usually thinking that they’re more mature than they are. That exchange when Waldo and Darla first meet is priceless.

tumblr_mf3rei9ggy1rz5foro1_500

Plus I love Spanky’s little monologue at the end, wondering if they’d let down the founding fathers by fraternizing with girls. Then concluding, “I guess things just have to change sometimes.” And they do, you know? Sometimes things have to change, but that doesn’t have to be bad necessarily. I think they found that out, which is cool. I’m still finding it out, but that’s ok. You have to let other people into the club at some point.

Have a good one, readers. Until next time!

Destination: Arkansas

Arkansas.png

Hello, readers!

It’s Wednesday yet again. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Just like a Tootsie Pop, you gotta lick it to find out!

As the title says we’ve made it to Arkansas, the Natural State, where the only active Diamond mind in the United States is located. It’s also home to Big Foot’s cousin the Beast of Boggy Creek. *Cue suspense music*

While searching for stuff about Arkansas, I found out that there’s a movie about the Fouke Monster called The Legend of Boggy Creek. It was filmed in the 70’s and it’s made up of interviews with witnesses and reenactments. So, obviously, I had to see it.

Let me tell you, it was great. I laughed. I didn’t cry, but I was almost scared at one point. Which is worth mentioning because the movie is billed in some places as a horror film. It’s right there in the YouTube title. You guys, I don’t think I can fully express my feelings for this movie.

Fouke is a right pleasant place to live….until the sun goes down

This movie has Frankenstein written all over it. People running all over the place terrified, meanwhile this guy doesn’t know how hideous he is and just wants to make friends. The creature almost sounds endearing, washing it’s feet in the creek, casually staring at people from a safe distance. It gets progressively more violent as the movie progresses. I’d assume because he’s getting fucking tired of everyone screaming and running away every time they see him.

At one point they go on a big hunt for the creature. With the best hunting dogs in Arkansas and Texas. THEY EVEN BROUGHT IN DOGS FROM TENNESSEE! Except they all ended up embarrassed as hell because none of the dogs dared to follow the creature’s scent. That’s gotta be difficult, when not even dogs will go near you. They say that the creature disappeared for 8 years after being hunted. And, you know, I don’t blame him. After all that you need a breather.

And really, people are really losing their shit in this movie.

There’s a guy sitting on the toilet which is oddly located next to a large window. And al I can think is “well, at least it won’t be his pants he shits when the monster inevitably comes up to the window.” Of course, the monster walks right and the guy literally trips over his pants trying to get away from the window. It’s pure gold. PURE. GOLD.

Then, the menfolk go outside to chase the creature, shoot it, beat their chests. The usual. In the middle of this, the monster attacks a guy and the idiot runs towards the house and crashes through the door. Yeah, that’ll help keep you safe, breaking the entire door.

Finally, after spending the entire movie talking about how terrifying this creature is and the horrible sound it makes, this guy who’s narrating says he almost wishes he could hear it again. Apparently as a sign that there is still some wilderness left and that there is still the possibility of strange noises in the night. Um, what? You’ve been shitting all over this creature and now that it got fed up with all of you and left, you miss it? There’s just no pleasing some people, is there?

I’m not gonna lie, it was a terrible movie. But I almost want to watch it again. Just keep it on hand and watch it every once in a while. Just so I can see that guy nearly pass out when the monster walks up to the window. In case you’re like me and bad movies delight you in a perverse sort of way, here’s the movie.

Enjoy, readers. Until next time!

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

Hello friends!

Friday Night Movie has become a Saturday morning post. Last night’s movie watching ran late because I got distracted by everything else on Netflix, so it became a bit of a binge that included Man Up, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, and some Z Nation to cap things off. I love binge watching stuff, but doing it with movies is a different experience altogether than doing it with shows. When you’re watching a series you’re basically married to those characters for the duration (unless you’re watching Game of Thrones), you’re completely immersed in that particular universe. But with movies, every hour and a half or so, you get new people, new settings, perhaps an entirely new feel if you’ve switched genres. It’s like having multiple lives flash before your eyes, instead of just one.

All of this to say I watched a whole bunch of movies, in addition to my Gilmore movie of the week.

Charlie’s Angels, man. I love the scenes where you can clearly tell they’re hanging from wires. Just casually spinning over the air to land in a heap. Or perfectly poised, as they often do. Which makes sense because I love bad effects, and while the effects in the movie aren’t bad, being able to tell they’re hanging from wires is like getting a good look at the movie stitching.

I’d completely forgotten Shia Labeouf was in this movie. Unfortunately, I can’t watch anything he’s in now without instantly getting the Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf song stuck in my head. It’s a spiffy song by Rob Cantor. If you’ve never heard the song, here’s the video for it because it’s just excellent in my opinion.

OKAY. True story. I was getting the link for the video. The one I’d seen was an animated video, but I found a live version and it is everything good in life. Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf has managed to surprise me once again. Four for you Rob Cantor!

Man, this post has gone everywhere. I apologize for being incoherent. I’d promise to never do it again, but who are we kidding? I’d never lie to you friends.

All I’m saying is that I watched Charlie’s Angels and crossed it off my Gilmore Girls Friday Night Movie list. Shia Labeouf was in it. Plus that Irish guy who was evil, but also insanely hot so things even out. Maybe. And the Thin Man dies, which always makes me really sad because I ship him and Dylan.

That’s it. Until next time, readers.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

It’s Friday night, readers!

I’ve been re-watching the Gilmore Girls series for the past few weeks and thoroughly enjoying myself, to be perfectly honest. It’s funny. It’s witty. It’s sarcastic and fast paced. I definitely recommend you check it out, if you haven’t! Anyway, I’ve always loved their Friday Night Movies. The idea of binging on candy and snacks while watching a few movies feels incredibly satisfying. So, I’ve decided to start my own Friday night movies. At least the movie side of things, if I try to match the Lorelais bite for bite I’ll die and also go broke.

The wife and I kicked off the Friday Night Movie series with a classic! Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

“What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun house?!”

“Why? Having fun?”

I was obsessed with this movie when I was a kid, I used to watch it unnecessarily often. It’s been a few years since I’d re-watched it though and let me tell you there was so much I’d forgotten about it. Like, hey, how ‘bout that chicken decapitation, huh? Wasn’t that something? I’d forgotten how depressing Charlie’s life was and his whole special snowflake attitude towards life. I’d forgotten how creepy this movie was! Wonka’s madness is pretty epic, but the whole movie is riddled with strangeness. In the beginning there’s a guy who comes up to Charlie, toting a cart with knives casually dangling from it. This guy tells Charlie no one goes into the Factory, and no one comes out. Cheerful, right?

There was a sassy computer. Oompa Loompas singing judgmental songs. People panicking in a small room because they didn’t fit, although they would’ve if they’d just chilled out. It was the door from Titanic all over again. An old man dancing with a nightgown that left perilously little to the imagination.

tumblr_n98pc5odzb1qb4p3ko1_500

*Sigh* Good times were had by all tonight. Hope your nights were just as good.

Until next time, readers!